FTB

Dry January is in the books and it was very interesting and a lot of work to be honest.

Like this picture.

You see a tiny sprig above ground.

Down below is where all the magic happened (is happening). Connections are being made. Nutrients are being converted. A gravitational push is coordinated to finally bring it out of the ground.

No one sees those parts.

Those parts are the work.

The Why

Why am I circling the wagon yet again?

Control Freak Much?

I don’t like being told what to do or anything controlling me.

It’s a quirk of mine and probably needs some therapy. After all, sometimes people tell you good things right?

Booze is Bossy

It’s fine when you’re towing the line and continue to have wine while you cook, while you set the table, at dinner, followed by a nice brandy. It doesn’t bother you cause you’re feeding the machine.

When you try to limit or stop, that brick in your chest prompts you to carry on like before.

Repeatedly.

‘But we always have drinks around the fire at the cottage.’

The habit is formed and telling me what to do and that’s when I push back.

Losing control of my life in any small way sounds alarm bells.

Time to Break Up?

This relationship has run its course.

It makes me feel like shit.

It used to be so much fun.

Then it turned a corner and developed an edge to it. I saw myself going from happy tipsy me to overtly opinionated, judgy, kinda mean sometimes, as well as argumentative me. Not all the time. But every now and again, which was too much in my opinion.

It didn’t used to be like that.

This gradual decline seemed to be a saturation point I’d reached and it was no bueno for me.

Drinking more and not really loving the beverage. Getting tired and being non productive.

Aggravation in general.

Like punching myself in the face.

Mornings sucked

You know what I mean. Even a couple glasses of wine which was in my opinion ‘not really drinking’ resulted in a foggy brain the next day.

Than you try to ‘soak up all the alcohol’ and eat like a toddler let loose in a variety store.

You don’t realize it but you are actually fighting yourself to get to the things you need to do and eventually a lot of stuff ends up on the back shelf to be dealt with later.

Not sharp, forgetful and anxious. Good times.

Whew tough day that was. I need a glass of wine and here we go again.

Took awhile to notice this pattern and tired of it quickly once I did.

Dry January popped up and I picked up what it threw down.

30 days later I’m still dealing with some anxiety, and boredom BUT there have been great strides made.

Sleep is deep and satisfying.

I wake up before sunrise every day. My eyes just pop open and I am fully awake and ready to go. Zero grogginess. It’s like having a super power.

I am taking an art class, learning Spanish, doing yoga and meditating every day and you may have noticed if you follow here I’m writing more.

Weight loss? I don’t know. Don’t have a scale. Clothes are a little looser, stomach is pretty much gone.

Skin is great, nails are strong and my knee and shoulder injuries are fading into the background.

Every single day amuses me.

I am working on the anxiety and boredom filling my time and energy with things that improve my life.

You guessed it. I’m signing up for Dry February. Let’s see what happens.